"Let's buy a six-pack and a flagon. I usually keep a few cans in the boot but I seem to remember I couldn't find any last time I looked. I must have drunk 'em all.”
Follow me in ya' vehicle Yorky, I know a good place to camp out for the night.
"Is it safe mate?"
"It's as safe as it can be in Charleville. We won't be bothered by yobos, black fellas and cops."
Once we were parked up for the night Jeff said,
"I'm rooted mate. I'm gonna' hop on the backseat for a bit of shut eye. Bang on the roof if there's any problems."
<><><><><>
As I sat in the front of mi station wagon having a smoke and looking out the windscreen at the rain that was still coming down pretty heavy, there was a loud knock on the passenger-side window. I leaned over and wiped the condensation off the window. To my surprise there was a young Aborigine girl, smiling at me. She looked like she was soaked to the skin. She banged on the window again and gave me another big grin. I rolled the window down about halfway and said,
"What d'ya want?"
"Ya got any plonk mate?"
"No, I've only got a six pack of XXXX."
"That'll do mate. Give us one of those."
"No fuckin' way."
"Then open the door and let me in. It's wet and cold out here."
"No fuckin' way! I'm goin' to bed in a minute."
"C'mon mate, open the door and I'll have a beer with ya."
As I sat there looking at her I thought to miself, 'She's pretty good-lookin' for an Abbo sheila. Who knows, ya might get a good root off her.'
"Hurry up mate, open the door."
"I tell ya what love, give us a root and I'll let ya hop in the front. I'll even give ya a couple of beers and a smoke."
"No way mate. I'm not givin' ya a root. I don't even know ya gubba."
"Then why should I let ya in the car, I don't know you!"
"Come on Gubba, let me in."
"No, the only reason ya wanna' hop in here is ya want free grog and smokes."
"Alright, let me in and I'll give ya a kiss and show ya mi tits."
"Fuck that for a joke. I've been kissed and seen a pair of tits before."
"Yeah, but ya haven't seen mine before."
"So what makes yours any different?"
"There a good size and still hard."
"Yeah, so's my cock love!"
Despite being wet and cold she started to laugh and then said,
"You're a very funny white fella. Come on, open the door!"
"Alright, I'll let ya in the car but it ya don't cock it up then ya out'a here all right?"
"No worries Gubba. Well come on then, open the fuckin' door"
When I pulled the lock button up and pushed the door open I got the surprise of mi life. I heard her say.
"C'mon mum, hurry up and get in."
The next minute a big fat-arsed old Ginn squeezed herself through the door and plonked her big arse on the front bench seat.
"O'ye! What the fuck are you doing? I didn't say you could get in!"
"Slide over mum, make some room.", said the young girl.
The next minute I was squashed against the driver-side door with a big, fat, toothless old Ginn next to me. The young one, out of arms reach was on the other side of her.
'BANG!' went mi car door as she slammed it shut.
"Good on'ya mate. I knew you'd let us in.", she said.
"That wasn't the fuckin' deal. I said you could get in not you and ya mother."
"No worries mate, she's not taking up room."
"The fuckin' door handle's stickin' in mi side! Tell her to get out."
"Can't do that mate. She's mi mum."
I had a pack of opened Marlboros on the dashboard and as soon as she saw them she took a couple out, gave one to her mother and stuck the other one in her mouth.
"Well, c'mon, give us a light mate."
"Alright", I said, "But that's all ya fuckin' gettin'."
As soon as the fags were going, the car filled up with smoke.
I said to her,
"Open that fuckin' window a bit before we all get cancer!"
"No worries mate. So where's the grog, the XXXX mate? Ya said you'd got some."
"I'm not givin' ya my good Queensland 4 X for free. The deal was a root for a beer."
"Then give us a drink of yours mate!"
"No! You've already got 2 fags off of me for free."
"You said, 'a kiss and I'll show ya mi tits for a can.'
"No I fuckin' didn't, you said that!", I said.
It was obvious to me that I'd been well and truly conned. The only thing I could do was make the best of it and have a bit of fun.
"All right, here's the deal, show me ya tits and I'll give ya one tinny between ya."
"Nah mate, one can and I'll show ya one tit. Two cans and I'll show ya both!"
"No way, one can for both tits."
"I'm not a stupid Ginn mate. I've been to the white fellas' school. I know a good deal when I hear one."
This little joke of hers made me laugh. In turn, she started to laugh. Her fat mother sat between us staring straight ahead and didn't say a word.
"Can your mother speak English?"
"Not really, she never went to school."
"Then tell her, in your language, to scoot her arse over to your side a bit. I can hardly breathe on my side."
When she'd finished talking to her mother in her own language, her mother wiggled her big arse around on the seat and I ended up with less room!
"What did you say to her? I've got even less room now."
"I told her ya wanted a root for a couple of beers. She said she likes you and she'll give ya a root for a 6-pack."
"Fuck that for a game of tin soldiers love. She's old and fat and her tits are down to her waist."
"That don't matter mate, a root's a root!"
"No thanks, I'm not that desperate. Look I've had a bit a' fun with ya so I'm gonna' give ya a beer between ya, alright?"
"How about 2 beers and I'll show ya mi tits?"
"Are ya fair dinkum?"
"Of course I am."
"No worries then."
I leaned mi arm over the back of mi seat and handed them a can each.
"Good on ya gubba.", she said and pulled up the front of her wet blouse.
"Good tits eh?", she said as she pulled the blouse back down.
"Yeah, not bad at all. Stick ya mother outside, under a bush somewhere, and I'l give ya the rest of the cans for a root."
"How many cans ya got left?"
"Three, why?"
"Nah, that's not enough. You said a 6-pack.", she said.
"Yeah, but you're already drinking two of 'em."
"Yeah, but that was for showin' ya mi tits!"
The rain had now stopped again. It was now obvious I wasn't gettin' a root off her. Her mother was definitely out of the question.
"All right ladies.", I said to her. "The rain's stopped so out ya git!"
"Give us a can for the walk home mate."
'Fuck it!', I thought. 'I've had a lot of fun with her so why not.'
"Not till ya get out of the car. Come round my side and I'll hand it out the window."
Once they were both out, I handed her another XXXX.
"Good on ya mate.", she said. "Did ya like mi tits?"
"Yeah, they were fuckin' beauties!"
"Maybe next time I'll give ya a root for free mate. You're a funny bloke!"
With that said, she turned around and her and her mother walked off into the bush.
<><><><><>
It was now 6 in the morning. I decided to bang on the roof of Jeffs' car.
"C'mon ya bastard! Time to get up!", I said through the small open gap of his rear window.
"What time is it for fucks sake?"
"6 O'clock mate. Let's go find a Dago shop that's open for some breakfast. I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of Ghandis' loincloth!"
Over breakfast, I related my evenings' entertainment to Jeff, who thought it was quite funny except for the fact that I wasted good XXXX beer on a couple of Ginns. After breakfast we walked around town for a while until the hotel bar was oen.
The afternoon found Darryl, miself and Jeff having a few beers at the shearers pub.
"Get some beers", said Darryl. "It's my shout. I'm off for a leak. I'll be back shortly."
When Darryl got back, he said,
"Hey fellas' there's a country band setting up in that big back room. Maybe we should have a few beers in there."
"Good idea Darryl. That's what we need, a bit of music! That'll liven the place up a bit.", I said.
Once the band got going, we made our way to the music room, for a change of atmosphere.
"Ya think the band's any good Yorky?", said Darryl.
"Yeh, they're not bad mate for a bush band."
"There must be about 50 people in here.", said Jeff who was standing a couple of feet away from the bar with a full middy in his hand.
Just then, a group of of abbos pushed past Jeff and one of them knocked Jeffs' elbow which in turn spilled most of his middy on the floor.
"Jeezus mate, why don't you ya watch where ya goin' ya bastard.", said Jeff.
"Fuck you, ya white bastard!", said one of the abbos, who was quite a big bloke.
"Fuck me, fuck you, ya black bastard!", said Jeff. "Ya spilled me fuckin' beer. Yah can buy me another one now!"
"Fuck you, buy ya own grog Gubba!"
"I take it ya lookin' for a smack in the mouth?", said Jeff, who was now pretty fuckin' cranky.
"You're gonna do that are ya?", said the abbo.
"Too fuckin' right mate.", said Jeff
The big abbo walked towards Jeff and, without any warning, swung a big right which connected with the side of Jeff's face and sent him flying backwards over a couple of tables. As Jeff crashed to the floor, one of the tables landed on top of him.
"Holy fuck'n' shit!", said Darry. "That was a mean fuck'n blow! I don't think Jeff's gettin' up on his feet after that!"
"Fuck you!", said the big, buff-headed abbo as he turned to leave.
Just then, the table moved and Jeff crawled out from under it. Once he was on his feet, he shook his head a couple of times and yelled out,
"OYE! You big black fuckin' bung! Where the fuck d'ya think you're goin'? Ya fuckn' king hit me with ya best punch and I'm back up on mi feet! Let me tell ya, ya big black bastard, You're in big trouble now sport! You can't fuckin' hurt me!"
The big abbo turned around to face Jeff and threw another punch at Jeffs' head. Jeff was all business now, with a big grin on his face.
"Ya missed me with that one!", he said as he ducked and moved in towards the abbo.
"BANG!" Jeffs' fist crashed into the abbbos' nose and cheek which sent the abbo arse over head, backwards into his mates who tried to catch him but failed.
"C'mon ya fuckin' bastard!", yelled Jeff who was now up on his toes, dancing around like a full-on pro. "Git up ya bastard! There's plenty more where that came from!"
Blood was now coming from the abbos' nose as he got up and headed for Jeff. Once he was in range, Jeff hit him in the guts with a hard left and a quick straight right that landed at the butt of his ear.
The big abbo went flying sideways into a couple of chairs and ended up on his back.
"C'mon ya black bastard!", yelled Jeff. "Git up on ya feet and I'll give ya another one! I'm only just warmin' up! I haven't got started yet!"
The abbo tried to get up but it was obvious he was not going to make it.
"C'mon, on ya feet!", said Jeff. "Yah fight like a fuckin' old Giin. Is that all you've got in ya?"
Jeff turned to the abbos' mates and said,
"Right! Which one of you fuckin' coons is next? I can do this all fuckin' day! I thought you black bastards could fight! Tell ya what I'll do. I'll take the three of ya on!"
None of the abbos said a word so Jeff said,
"What, no takers? Then pick up ya bung mate and get the fuck out a' here while I'm still in a good mood!"
The abbos got their big mate up on his feet and headed for the door.
There was now a big group of local white fellas stood around Jeff congratulating him on his victory and offering to buy him a few middies.
An abbo girl walked up to me and said,
"Hey Gubba, you need to thank me."
"For what"
"One of those Ginns with those blokes was going to hit ya over the head from behind with a metal chair but I stopped her."
"Yah did?"
"Sure did. Ask mi mate."
"No worries love, I believe ya anyway. Thank you. Can I buy ya' a beer?"
"Nah, maybe next time."
"Well thanks again."
"No worries mate."
"So, why did'ya help me out?"
"Mi cousin said ya were a good bloke."
"Who's ya cousin?"
"Thelma."
"I don't know anyone called Thelma."
"Yeah ya do mate. Ya had a beer with her and her mother, last night in the front a' ya car."
"Right, that's Thelma eh?"
"Yeah, she likes ya."
"Yeah? Sure ya don't wanna' beer."
"Nah mate, see ya around."
<><><><><>
It was a Sunday afternoon and Jeff and miself were following the tradition of out'a-work shearers..drinking grog.
"I'm gettin' sick of this hotel Yorky.", said Jeff. "I reckon we should do a tour of the other bars in Charleville just for change. We'll see how the other half live."
"Sounds good to me mate. Let's go."
After we'd toured most of the bars, Jeff said to me,
"Fuck this for a lark mate. I'm gonna' take off, I'm pretty full."
"Where ya goin' mate?"
"I thought I might get a bit of shut-eye in the back of mi car."
"No worries mate, I'm gonna' hang out here for a while longer. I don't feel like layin' down down in mi station wagon at the moment. It's too fuckin' humid today."
"Yeah, I know what ya mean but for some reason I feel knackered. I'll catch ya later."
"No worries mate. I'll give ya a knock on the roof a' ya car."
"Sounds good to me mate.", I said.
Once Jeff had gone, I sat at the bar on mi own, finishing off a middy. Now for some strange reason, which was totally out of character for me, I ordered a shot of whiskey. As I sat there sippin' on it, I was contemplating how people could drink this stuff. I'd seen many a shearer graduate to the top-shelf towards the end of the evening so I decided to make an experiment.
"Yah want another shot?", said the barman.
"Yeah, why not mate. Make it a double."
"No worries mate."
As I sat there on mi own, mindin' mi own business, three young blokes who had been sat at the end of the bar knocking it back, started to take an interest in me, and not a good interest at all. One of them said,
"What are you fucking looking at mate?"
"Nothing sport. I wasn't lookin' at ya'."
"Yes, you were.", said one of his mates.
I decided to to answer and just kept looking straight ahead,
"Smart bastard eh!", said the third bloke.
"What's the matter?", said the first bloke, "Ya got no guts?"
"Listen mate.", I said. "I came in here for a quiet drink. I'm not lookin' for any trouble."
"Well, you've got got trouble mate. I don't fuckin' like you. Ya seem like a smart bastard to me!"
Again, I decided not to answer.
"I reckon I could knock you arse over head any day mate!"
That was it! It was obvious these local yobos were not going to leave me alone so I turned and said to the bloke,
"Why don't you go and fuck ya hand ya loud-mouthed bastard!"
This little one-liner of mine made his face twist and contract quite a bit and his blustering reply was,
"Come outside mate and I'll knock ya arse over head!"
'Fuck you ya fuckin' ugly inbred. I could knock you and ya pufta' mates arse over, no problem!"
"Yeah? I'd like to see that!", said one of his mates. "I think you're a gutless bastard who's all talk and no action!"
There was no other options left so I downed the double whiskey in one gulp and said,
"No worries mate, let's do it. I'm not afraid of you fuckin' retards!"
Had I not have been drinking whiskey I may have considered ignoring their insults and left the bar but it was much too late for that now! Soon as we got outside on the pavement, one of them rushed me and tried to knock me over. As luck had it, I side-stepped him and let go a big right which caught him fair and square on the cheek bone. He stumbled and hit the pavement. Before I knew it his two mates jumped me from behind and started punching and kicking me. I was now on the pavement miself and the situation was not looking good.
Just when I'd resigned miself to the fact that I was going to get beaten up pretty bad, I caught a glimpse of a big rough-looking bloke in a singlet and stubbies rushing towards us.
'Jeezus Christ, not another one!', I thought. 'Now I'm really fucked!'
Just when I thought all was lost he yelled out,
"Get off him you mongrel-bred bastards!"
The next minute, he punched one of the yobos in the face and sent him sprawlin' onto the road. The third bloke, who had let fly a couple of kicks at me, jumped back out of the big blokes way. By this time I was struggling to mi feet.
"You alright mate?", said the stranger.
"Yeah, I think so mate."
"Then let's take these three mongrel bastards on and knock the piss out of 'em."
"No worries mate. Good on ya!"
By this time the three yobos were all up on their feet.
"Right you gutless bastards! Let's get this fight on the road now that the odds have been evened up a bit! Me and this bloke against you fucking cowards. Are you ready sport?", said the big bloke.
"Too fuckin' right mate. Let's go!", I replied.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!", said one of the yobos. "We don't have any problems with you mate!"
"Ya fuckin' do now sport! You've got a bigger problem on ya hands than you can take care of!"
"Let's call it a night.", said one of the yobos.
"No fuckin way, ya gutless cunt! I'm raring to fuckin' go! Well, come on! You were pretty brave before I showed up. What's the matter fellas? Three strappin' young blokes like ya selves against me and this bloke?"
"Nah mate, we're not lookin' for trouble with you."
"I thought so.", said the big bloke. "No fuckin' guts! So here's the deal, fuck off home to ya mothers before I stoush all three of ya miself! Go on! Fuck off before I change mi mind!"
What a sight to see! All three of them turned and took off up the street, on the double. Once the yobos were well and truly on their way with their tails between their legs, the stranger turned and said,
"How are ya cobber? Ya look a bit worse for wear."
"Nah, I'm alright mate. I think the whiskey deadened the pain."
"Bruce is the name mate."
"Yorky,", I said as we shook hands.
"What the fuck were ya thinkin' takin' on those three mongrel-bred bastards on ya own?"
"They were disrespectin' me and it was obvious they weren't gonna' stop so I thought 'fuck it'. At least I'll get a couple of good hits in before I go down."
"Well, I don't blame ya mate. Chances are I'd have done the same thing miself."
"Thanks again Bruce for backin' me up."
"No worries Yorky. It was a pleasure mate. I just couldn't stand by and watch that happening. Anyway, I've gotta' get goin'. The missus will be wonderin' where I got too."
We shook hands again and I watched Bruce walk off up the street and out of sight.
As I stood there straightenin' mi shirt and wiping the blood off mi nose I thought to miself,
'If there's such a thing as Angels then I've just met one!'
On the walk back to where I'd parked mi car, I was thinking about the nights' activity. A voice inside said to me,
"What's the lesson?"
"Never drink so much that I can't defend myself.", I said. "And no more fuckin' whiskey."
"Right!", said the voice. "A lesson learned the hard way."
The next day, over a beer, I told Jeff about what had happened after he'd gone for a sleep.
"Jeezus Yorky! Sorry to hear that mate. How's ya nose? It looks a bit swollen."
"It is and it's a bit fuckin' tender, truth be known."
"Why don't we go look for the bastards Yorky? Darryl's up in his room as far as I know. Three against three mate! I could do with a bit of activity! I'm gettin' bored shitless hangin' around the bar drinkin' and not workin''.
"Nah, forget about it mate. It's not worth it."
"Well, if ya change ya mind mate let me know, It'll be a bit a' fun."
A few days later Jeff had taken his car to the garage to have some minor work done on it. I decided to wait for him in the bar room instead of hangin' around a garage. I was rollin' a smoke and nursin' a middy when I noticed one of the yobos walk in and order a beer. Sittin' there, watchin' him, I thought to miself,
'Fuck this for a joke. I'm not gonna' let that bastard get away with this.'
Soon as he'd finished his beer, I walked over to where he was sittin' and said,
"Remember me mate?
"What do you fuckin' want?
"You and me sport. One on one, outside now!"
"I don't have time now mate. I've gotta' meet mi girlfriend."
"You come outside now mate or I'll knock ya off the stool!"
"Yeah? Then you'll get barred."
"No worries there mate. I'm not a local and besides I'll be leaving Charleville in a couple of days."
After taunting him for a short while, the yobo agreed to a one on one fight. Soon as we were outside, I gave him no warning at all. I punched him in the face as hard as I could. He went down like the sack of shit that he was. He landed in the gutter with his head resting on an iron drain cover. I wasn't going to give him time to get up, even though he didn't look like he could. Then I jumped on top of him and grabbed his throat with my left hand and raised my right fist, ready to pound his face.
"Stop! Stop!", said the Yobo.
"Why should I? You didn't give a flyin' fuck about me when there was three of ya?"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had to join in with the others or they would have seen me as weak and gutless. His eyes were watery and showed a lot of fear.
My mind said, 'Beat the crap out of him!' (which I would have loved to do). Instead my heart and compassion said, 'Let him go.'
Begrudgingly, I said to the yobo,
"I could punch your fuckin' head head through that grate mate if I wanted to."
"I know mate. I'm really sorry about gangin' up on you."
"So, if I let ya up, what're ya gonna' do?
"Nothin' mate. I'll just leave!"
"Alright, no worries then."
I climbed off of his chest and as I did, I said to him,
"Next time ya see ya gutless faggot mates, tell 'em if they want a fair dinkum stand up fist fight , come to this hotel. I've got quite a few shearing mates here who love a good stoush."
"Yeah, right-o mate, good on ya."
That was the last time I saw him.
When I told Jeff and Darryl what happened, Jeff said,
"Jeezus Yorky, ya too fuckin' good-hearted mate. I'd have bashed the bastards' skull in.",Darryl said. "Well I'm glad it was you who got the only punch of the fight in Yorky."
"It's my round.", said Jeff. "Drink up! The weather's starting to clear up now so it won't be long before we're hangin' off the end of the down-tube again."
***************
